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Handsome Jack Wiki
The King is Back, Baby Handsome Jack is back while 'sexy back' from Timberlake plays from the background. He's that one Hero for that one guy that you once knew before he fell into the Bee Movie. Can you bee-lieve that? Where do you think you got them hornet skins, no not the green Hornet that's just weird, but the yellow ones? The ones with the stripes, yeah those ones, Handsome Jack was the one that made those so ya better thank him you skinny ass chicken shit. He's the Hero you know? He gives you things, like giving you spoon for those wet eyes you got. Having eyes is a lot of work, that why you gotta remove them. Don't worry about your kids, they'll get over it. In fact, give them the spoon when you're done with it. They don't need to see that shit. Jiggy Jiggy Moves Jack got them moves, he fought the thresher, bringing the Warrior to light and then Lilith had to ruin it with her hot ass bouncing from Roland's thong. Yes, Roland actually give Lilith his thong cause they are freaky and it's weird. Don't even think about this, I'm not even thinking about this and I'm writing about it. That's why the Warrior left, he got tired of the Crimson Raiders and their shit. This is why Jack became a hologram, so that why he wouldn't have to deal with that no more. He just vanished from that very spot, Lilith thought she won but nope. Jack become a hologram which he later regretted because he couldn't touch anything not even himself. Rhys was there, and in case you don't know Rhys you don't know yourself where the hell you been bro? You've not been paying attention just like you haven't been paying attention to Torgue's grandmom you rude as fuck boi. Jack's Upbringing in Life of Heroness Jack punched his mom, Jack got skinned by his grandmom, so Jack became Hero. Wanted to prove em wrong. So he sent bandits to his grandmom, even though he hates bandits. Very ironic, yes, yes indeed. One day he met the Handsome Sorcerer, therefore he got kicked to Helios in the butt-butt mainly because Jack made fun of the Handsome Sorcerer's dress. It wasn't a dress it was a robe, but Jack saw it as a dress so he laughed because the dress wasn't yellow or looked like a princess's. So when he landed on Helios he ran into this guy who kept calling Jack 'John' and so he strangled the guy and became Handsome Jack. Wait, not first he met Lilith who punched him with a rock so he could see into the future and then he became Handsome Jack and then he fought Lilith and her ex-boyfriend who she will never admit that they broke up because she obsessed really bad over that poor soldier guy who just wants to eat his ceral in peace. Now Jack is a Hero for the world with his ButtStallion, who he let's Zer0 and Krieg ride very gayly into the double rainbow sometimes. Video Library. __NOEDITSECTION__ Category:Browse